CAUTION: My articles are generalized and not meant for any particular or specific situation. Taking my well thought-out opinions personally, may cause anger, sadness, loss of sleep, or bitterness.
Results may vary!
The other day a friend of mine asked me a question that really made me think. She wanted to know why men cheat when they have women that are the closest thing to perfect. I first responded to her with the obvious reasons: greed, a desire to be with as many women as possible (“pimps”), and just being an asshole who doesn’t care about women and thinks of them as objects (womanizers). Then I started to go into detail about factors that a lot of people don’t look at. For example, the fact that all guys that cheat are NOT necessarily driven by malice or bad intentions.
All guys that cheat are not assholes. Some guys are just confused and unsure of what they want where others are just inconsiderate. Not to say they are uncaring, they just don’t see that their actions have consequences until after the fact. For these guys, there are two likely reasons for their infidelity: 1) the woman is good BUT not right for them or 2) the woman is the right one at the wrong time.
The first reason is a little complex. In my opinion, rapper J. Cole said the first reason pretty well: “One thing for certain baby, you are a wifey, two things for f*cking sure I am not the husband though.” I condone this quote because he’s letting a woman know that she is great and can make some lucky man very happy. On the other hand, he knows that he is not that man. I’m sure we all know at least one female who we are sure would make a great girlfriend, wife, and or mother. But, does every potential wife have to be YOUR wife? A large number of guys feel that when they meet a great girl they must establish a committed relationship because of fear of missing out on someone great. What they neglect to realize is that just because she is great does not assure you will have a successful romantic relationship with her.
At this point that guy starts to realize that he isn’t actually emotionally attracted to this woman, he only likes the idea of her being with him. In other words, he is following his mind and not his heart. Slowly the little emotion he has goes away, and he loses the motivation for commitment. It’s like a kid in the supermarket who keeps begging his mom for the new ice cream flavor. Sure, super duper extra chocolate ice cream SOUNDS delicious, but after that first try you’re over it and ready to move on to the next flavor. The only difference is, with the ice cream, you’ll stop eating it, but you won’t stop “eating” this woman (no pun intended). You still don’t want to let her go for whatever reason. Maybe you still want her around because she treats you well or maybe she is attached and you do not want to hurt her. Either way, this can result in infidelity.
The second reason is less complicated to explain. Basically, a guy might find the woman that he wants to spend the rest of his life with, but just at a time when he is not ready to settle down. Let’s say a guy finds his during his first or second year of college. At that time he’s only about 18 or 20. The bachelor years for a male are generally 21 to 24, not saying that there are not bachelors who are much older, I’m just speaking of the typical age. If a guy is 19, he doesn’t expect for her to wait until he is twenty five to get “the single life” out of his system. So, instead of making her wait, he commits, but he will still have the bachelor mentality. Therefore, without considering the consequences or the feelings of his spouse, he cheats. He is not going to break up with her because she is the person he wants to be with for the rest of his life. His problem is, he wants to have his cake and eat it too, which is virtually impossible.
I’m not justifying men cheating, or saying its okay, but there is a reason for everything. I’m just clarifying some likely reasons. So, my advice to you, make sure that when you commit, that’s exactly what you are going to do COMMIT! If you’re unsure, don’t be afraid to test the waters, date and just keep things casual. If you think she is “perfect”, be thoughtful of her feelings, because like I said earlier, she might not be YOUR future wife, she is still somebody else’s.
With Love,
Fred E. Cornbread
P.S. Please leave a comment so we know your opinion on the matter. It is very much appreciated. Follow on Twitter @FredE_Cornbread @31percent
33 comments:
Fredward, you have done it again my friend.
Keep up the good work... ya knowledge for females and dating is increasing each day.
Cree. This is great. :D
Good shit bra!! I totally agree with you and feel like you took the time fully explore every option. I would just like to bring one more explanation to the table. Based on personal experiences, I find that people also cheat based on the environments they are raised in. Now my mother has to be one of the strongest woman I know, but she to allowed my father to commit infedilities. She was a new mom and scared to death to raise a family by herself. Long story short, I somehow figured that it was acceptable to cheat, until one day I found a truly special girl that I hurt badly. Her pain caused me to change me ways, and to realize that my actions have equal reactions. Look forward to your next post!! =)
Creeture boo, well said.
You really said some true shit Cree. And i loved the J. Cole quote :)
I don't know how to make a "identity" so I'll just tell you that it's Karle lol
Thank You Everyone! Your comments and insight is greatly appreciated. Remember to follow us and stay with the updated post, easiest way to do that is by clicking "Like" on the site or on the facebook fan page.
Alos look through the rest of the blog, there is something for everyone
Ay I see u yngbol let the world know what it is
You are a genius, Cree.
I come to your wisdom once every couple of months. Atleast I used to beat U in grade school. lol I'll always have that under my belt.
It sounds like successful relationships are impossible.
Successful relationships are very possible, but they aren't necessarily easy.
Definitley enjoyed this one cree. I think the 2 reasons you gave are the most common, I hear them all the time. I understand the reasonings. but to me, I feel like if someone has an urge to cheat, and they truely LOVE the other person and care for their feelings, they should get out of the relationship. Or they could even do those weird break things that couple do. The worst feeling must be having the right person at the wrong time, but that still shouldn't make it right for the spouse to be cheated on. But as always great job!
My man Cree S'moores can no longer be called a Blogger. He has been promoted to a Preacher.
this was soooo true ! however, it still saddens me that its the truth lol
Reason #2 hit all too close to home lol. but guys should know that if you're just honest about your lack of ability to commit wholeheartedly, things would be soooo much easier..
well done Cree.
I love reading your blogs baby cree. They get better each time I read them. I give this one an A+ you speak the truth.
You've touch some good points with this post. "Why men cheat" is a hard question to answer and I think you did a great job at highlight some common reasons.
I LOVED IT !!!
~Monique.M
This one is probably the best one I've seen. I love it. You have great advice on these things
Again, there's lots of validity to everything being said in this post. I totally agree; however, cheating is wrong, period. I know that people mess up sometimes, but if you truly LOVE your partner you make sure not to do anything you know will hurt them. Like cheating. If you're gonna cheat, you do NOT need to be in the relationship. Though it may give you a bad look to admit to cheating, being honest is important. I'm really feeling your insight Cree. Definitely gonna be looking out for more of your posts!!! :)
-TT
Ayyy yo boul, you be drawlin, this blog triflin'.
Great Job at beginning to open up the mind of the man! Now all you need is to get the REAL female perspective. I agree with all reasons I found them to be very valid points that I myself have seen in action. Hope your blogs become increasingly more popular! Good luck!
its really gd it really maks me think on the past relationships tht i had and the possibe reason on y they fell through. earlier today on the radio down here in va they were tlkn bout three somes and cheating. a woman called and said tht a reason for som men cheatin is for the fact tht "theres no pussy lik new pussy". evn tho the girl they r with may b the love of their life, sometimes they need to step away from the normal and thus causes of new sexual ideas and position arise such as three somes.
these arent my thoughts tho but i thought somene could relate
This one is REALLY good cree.
Good Job cree...i have always wondered...and now because of you i know. bravo my good brotha bravo.
~Midori
"If you think she is “perfect”, be thoughtful of her feelings, because like I said earlier, she might not be YOUR future wife, she is still somebody else’s."
That's so sweet :)
this is a really great post cree! one of my favorites from you because this is so true.people ask all the time on twitter and in real life.why do men cheat? and you just gave us the typical answers right there.great read! :)
its Kiera btw :D
follow me on twitter:
@iHeartKiera
This was really good, and it fits with women too... But I loved it. It was really good, very well said.
They small babies picture is very nice. Such that they are defining a love of kids in world. And the blog is typically explaining all the information about the dating of man and woman.
What I find most interesting is the fact that specific people came to mind while I was reading. Funny. People (women specifically)have the tendency to fabricate this rationale that demeans men, but it only takes one person to put it into perspective whereas it will all make sense. I applaud you Creestopher.
p.s. cute photo ;)
Impressive...
impressive...
I like this article! Positive/realistic perspective.
Post a Comment