Piss on Week 3.23.11

Warning!! No one in the following post is actually being pissed on. It is simply an expression meant to describe how outrageous and unforgivable the actions of the following people really are. Anyone who finds this segment offensive automatically gives me the right and the duty to piss on them as well.

Sincerely,

Professional Rationalist


10. E. Ness

Remember Elliot Ness from “Making the Band”? This guy went from a Bad Boy record contract to staring in a straight to DVD movie.

He gets pissed on for being another story of a talented Philly rapper who winds right back in Philly.

9. No Shoes in the Club


Imagine you are at a party, and you spot an attractive woman dancing with her girlfriends. Her hair looks good. She’s got an amazing body. As your eyes scroll down to check out her footwear you notice a major problem. She doesn’t have on any shoes!!

I’m pissing on the ankles of barefoot woman at clubs across America for getting way to comfortable. P.S. Don’t you know they don’t mop the floor at most clubs. SMH

8. “You Got a Light?’


Why is it that people go through a pack of cigarettes a day but never have a light? That’s like a barber going to work with no clippers, a carpenter with no tools. The Professional Rationalist with no need to urinate.

Smokers who ask you if you have a lighter get pissed on for being unprepared.

7. Wiz Khalifa


They say everyone changes when they start getting money, but I didn’t know that with the money comes the urination. Wiz Khalifa has gone all Hollywood and dyed a patch of his hair blonde.

In turn, he gets pissed on for looking like Tech from “The Real World.”

6. Nike


As much as I love Nike’s collection of 90s sneakers, they have to get a throwback urination for a mistake that they made years ago. For some reason they choose not to sign Larry Johnson, the number one pick in the 1991 NBA Draft.

They get pissed on for passing on a certified break winner for less known players.

5. Terrible Comedians


I understand that not everyone can be good at their job, but a terrible comedian should be the first one to notice that they suck at their profession.

I’m pissing on any comedian that does five shows where nobody laughs, and still thinks he has a shot at making it big.

4. Sammy Hagar


Former member of the rock group “Van Halen” believes that he was abducted by aliens a few decades ago through Wi-fi connection.

He gets pissed on for not knowing the difference between an alien abduction and incredible drugs.

3. Mike Tyson


The latest installment of reality television gives us a behind the scenes look at Mike Tyson and his pigeon racing.

Iron Mike gets pissed on for bringing a very unnecessary new meaning to the term featherweight.

2. Barack H. Obama Elementary School

Did you know that last year the Bangs Avenue School in New Jersey changed its name to honor President Barack Obama? Apparently many parents didn’t know either seeing as though the school will be closing due to a Any time you can’t get people to go to a school named after the first black president you deserve to be pissed on.

1. Mariah Carey


Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon are having twins. Urination comes into play on this one because Mariah wants to make sure her four dogs are okay with it. Mariah sent her dogs to a psychologist to make sure that they will be able to handle the transition.

She gets pissed on for being so concerned with making sure the pups and the twins “go back like babies and pacifiers.”