I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. No one over the age of 7 should have a Mohawk.
Mr. “Just Gimmie the Light” gets the business for being another example of “When Trying to Remain Young Goes Wrong"
9. Cantaloupe
Anyone that knows me well knows that I love fruit. This is why it pains me so much to have to piss on cantaloupes. However, anytime a fruit is responsible for the death of 21 people, something has to be done.
Sure a recall of cantaloupes might seem sufficient, but I’m pissing on the contaminated produce for changing the consistency of my fruit salads.
8. Potheads
No, I’m not talking about people that smoke weed all the time. I’m referring to the new candy that is shaped like a marijuana plant.
Potheads get pissed on for being the first candy considered a gateway drug. Lol
7. XXX-mail
So I know someone who finds it necessary to forward emails of naked women at least once a week. It’s gotten so bad that I’ve set my e-mail account to mark anything coming from him as Spam. What makes these naked pics so important that you need to copy 15 people in your erotic emails? I know where the naked chicks are on the world-wide web- if I want to see them, I’ll go there.
So unless your sending me a Rihanna and Nicki Minaj sex tape featuring Kim Kardashian, people like this guy get pissed on for trying to spark a XXX e-mail chain.
6. NBA Lockout
Seriously guys! It was all fun and games when training camp was canceled, but now you are interfering with the regular season. The first two weeks of the season have already been canceled and who knows what’s coming next.
The powers that be in the NBA get pissed on this week for forcing me to play video games to get some NBA action this year.
5. Marshall Junior High School
The assistant principal of this school used a black Sharpie to fill in a part that a student had shaved into his head. According to the school, the small part was in direct violation of the dress code.
I couldn’t tell you if the part violated the dress code, but the school does get pissed on for using a poor kid’s head as a whiteboard.
4. Cat Lovers
This one may be biased because I truly hate cats. But don’t you think there’s something creepy about a person who has 5 cats in a two bedroom home? Or the chick that carries photos of “Fluffy” in her wallet? Hey if four-legged felines are your thing, by all means go ahead.
But when cats have you going bonkers like this Villanova grad, you get pissed on for being out of your mind.
3. Amish Roundup
The Amish are a very simple people- which is why I couldn’t wait to find out what they could have possibly gotten locked up for when I saw this story. Turns out they refused to display safety signs on the back of their buggies.
Anyone who has nothing better to do than worry about Amish buggies passing vehicle inspections needs to be pissed on.
2. Doc Gooden’s “Dr. Feel Good”
In 1986, the New York Mets were the World Champions of Major League Baseball. And do you know where their star pitcher was during their parade? He was high on drugs at his pusher’s house in the projects. I can’t piss on Doc Gooden for having a drug problem. (I wish him the best in his journey to recovery)…
But I can piss on the drug dealer who didn’t have the common courtesy to give Doc a wakeup call.
1. Linda Ann Weston
This chick held mentally handicapped people hostage and turned her basement into a dungeon. And it was all a social security scam! I know times are hard, but this lady took it too far.
She gets pissed on for trying to film the latest “Saw” flick in her basement.
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