Sincerely,
Professional Rationalist
10. Alan Graham
Rihanna decided to shoot her new video on this guy’s wheat fields in Ireland and guess what pissed him off? No, it wasn’t the loud music, nor was it the roaring engine of the muscle car on set. It was this...
That’s right. He was pissed off because Rihanna was sexy.
Being scared of a lil’ skin gets this farmer pissed on
9. Hank Williams
On Monday night I was ready for some football. I was also ready for the theme song that goes along with it- that was until I found out that the guy who sings the song has described President Obama as Hitler.
He gets pissed on for getting his historical figures confused.
8. Wilson Intermediate Football League
If your eleven year-old son scores three touchdowns in a football game and his team is up fourteen points, shouldn’t you be excited? Not quite the case for Demias Jimerson and his family. The Wilson Intermediate Football League is punishing him for being too good.
The WIFL gets pissed on for punishing a kid who is a beast instead of encouraging everyone else to get better.
7. Leonard Worby
I could piss on Leonard Worby for masturbating on his front porch.
Instead, he gets the business for his excuse: “I was having some problems with my pants.”
6. Berkeley College Republicans
In an alleged attempt to promote campus diversity, the Berkley College Republicans hosted a bake sale where patrons had to pay according to their race. I could give the business to this group of Republicans for being so ignorant. I could wet up the patrons who brought over 300 cupcakes in support of the event.
Instead, the Berkley College Republicans get pissed on for not having a special price for people such as themselves who get pissed on for being racist in 2011.
5. Darius Miles
Remember Darius Miles, the average NBA player known for wearing above average Jordan’s on the court? Well, apparently he has gone from wearing heat on his feet to carrying it into a St. Louis airport.
Darius Miles gets pissed on for trying to get a loaded handgun through airport security.
4. Tia and Tamera Mowry
I heard that twins share everything, but Tia and Tamera have taken it too far.
Tamera gets pissed on for sipping on the “Boob Juice.”
3. Jennie Lee
This 37 year-old mom had a threesome with two of her son’s football teammates. I’m not going to piss on her for having sex with her son’s 15 and 17 year-old pals (she may enjoy it).
However, I will give her the business for disgracing the term MILF...it’s supposed to stand for “Mom I’d Like to F*ck,” not “Mom I Already Did.”
2. Olsen Twins
Can you believe that Mary Kate and Ashley have a line of alligator backpacks that are selling for $39,000 each?!
I’m pissing on the twins and anyone who buys one of their over priced bags when we are in a freakin’ recession. Unless that bag comes with Mary Kate and Ashley inside, it’s not worth more than ten bucks.
1. “Twist Off” Contests
Remember back in the day when you would twist off the top to your soda and find out instantly that you won something? I don’t know whose idea it was, but those days are long gone. Now I’ve gotta hold on to the cap, go to a website and type in a bunch of gibberish to find out if I’ve won anything. Do you know how many jet skis and and iTunes gift cards I’ve missed out on because I’ve lost the damn cap?!!
I’m pissing on whoever decided that code “ZBRK73#” is a great way of telling me that I’ve won a lifetime supply of Mountain Dew.
1 comment:
The bake sale was actually a way to protest legislation that would provide grants to minorities and women. The students were more or less being sarcastic saying why not make us pay more for baked goods too.
Cool post by the way
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