Sincerely,
Professional Rationalist
10. London Olympics
I know what you’re thinking. “How can the Olympics get pissed on when they don’t start for months?” It all started when the Olympic committee asked, pop star, Keith Moon of “The Who” to perform at the opening ceremonies. Only problem is that he’s been dead for 34 years.
The Olympic Committee gets pissed on for not looking this guy up on Wikipedia before sending out the invite.
9. Common
He got away with playing a basketball player in “Just Wright” but he gets pissed on for thinking that he has any shot of a baseball flick after this first pitch.
8. Lito Shepphard
Lito Sheppard and cousin Jabar Gaffney were once teammates on the Philadelphia Eagles. Allegedly Lito thought that sharing a locker room meant that he had dibs on Gaffney’s wife as well. Rumor has it that cousin Lito slept with Gaffney’s wife on their wedding day! I don’t know if this story is 100percent true are not.
But anytime your cousin accuses you of sleeping with his wife, you’ve got piss-worthy written all over you.
7. Credit Card Summary
I hate looking at my credit card summary once a month and seeing all the bullsh*t that I’m paying for. Sneakers from 2011, or a shirt I haven’t been able to find for six months. And when the hell did I buy a life size poster of Bill Cosby?
Instead of pissing on myself for buying all of this dumb stuff, I’ll just piss on the credit card companies for reminding me every 30 days.
6. Adult Bedtime
I can’t stand when adults say, “It’s past my bedtime.” Sure you want to get to sleep at a reasonable hour if you have work in the morning. But must you really hit the sack by 10:00 p.m.?
I’m pissing on any adult that thinks the world is going to come to an end if they aren’t in bed before the Eleven O’clock news.
5. University of Alabama
The University of Alabama’s championship trophy was shattered during practice this week when a player’s father accidentally knocked it to the ground. I could piss on the father for breaking a $30,000 crystal trophy.
But the urination this week goes to the school for thinking that they need to bring out their shiny toy all the damn time. Hey Bama, next time fans ask to see the trophy, put a photo of it on Instagram.
4. Larry Brown
Legendary coach Larry Brown is going to try his luck once again on the sideline. This time he’s taking his coaching talents to little known Southern Methodist University.
Coach Brown gets pissed on for not knowing when to call it quits. Hey Coach Brown, whatever you do don’t ask Iverson if he wants to play.
3. Lorenzo Neal
This former NFL player is the chief information officer of an organization that provides rides for people to drunk to drive themselves. So the question becomes why the hell didn’t he use the service when he crashed into a pole after a few drinks too many?
Lorenzo Neal gets pissed on for not using the company discount.
2. Jadakiss
All this time, who knew that Jadakiss was bald by choice? For the first time in his career we witnessed Jada rocking something other than a bald head this past week.
Although the change seems harmless, he gets pissed on for making Amber Rose the only relevant person in hip-hop with a baldie.
1. Diddy
Quamine Smith was arrested for sneaking into Diddy’s home in the Hampton’s. Not only did he hang out in the house for a day before being discovered, but he’s been doing this since 2001! I can’t piss on this guy for wanting to check out “the good life.”
But I can piss on Diddy for not having a better security system. Didn’t your mother ever tell you to always lock up before you leave for the Last Train to Paris?
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