Sincerely,
Professional Rationalist
10. Diggy Simmons
The son of Rev. Run had a few harsh words for hip-hop artist J. Cole on a track called “What You Say to Me” that recently hit the internet. Just a coincidence that the album “leaked” the exact same week as Diggy’s album.
I’m pissing on Diggy for such a shameless publicity stunt.
9. Mega Millions
Congratulations to whoever hit the jackpot , but I’m glad this whole thing is over with. But before we close the door on $640 million, I’m pissing on anyone who bought tickets at their local gas station.
Don’t you fools know that the winning ticket is always from the suburbs?
8. Ken Malani
The CEO of Highmark Inc. was having an affair with an employee of the company. Not a big deal, right? Except for the fact that Ken barged into the house of his mistress and beat up her husband I could piss on him for fighting over a woman who technically wasn’t his.
Instead he gets “wet up” for losing his job over the entire situation.
7. Bad Tippers
Plain and simple, if you have enough money to eat out at a restaurant, you better make sure you have enough money to tip.
Otherwise you get pissed on for being cheap.
6. Wells Fargo
So I called Wells Fargo this week to get some info on my account, and do you know what one of their security questions is? “What is the exact dollar amount of your last debit card purchase?” Who the hell knows the exact amount that they used their card for to get gas three days ago?
Wells Fargo gets pissed on for asking for info that no one can remember without being the ultimate penny-pincher.
5. Nas
Hip-hop legend Nas is allegedly moving to Africa after the release of his next album to avoid paying the U.S. $6.5 million he owed in back taxes. I can’t be mad at the plan, but didn’t Nas say he was moving to Africa in 1998 in the movie “Belly?”
He gets pissed on for being a procrastinator.
4. “Hunger Games” Racism
You would think that when a movie makes $155 million its opening weekend, nothing could possibly go wrong? That wasn’t the case for the film “Hunger Games” that experienced a number of racist tweets about some of the characters being black.
I’m pissing on anyone who can’t enjoy a movie because it has black people in it. Who do you think you are, Rush Limbaugh?
3. Spike Lee
Spike Lee was so irate about the Trayvon Martin tragedy that he tweeted the address of the alleged killer, George Zimmerman. Just one problem… the address he tweeted didn’t belong to Zimmerman at all!
Spike gets pissed on for not “Doing the Right Thing.”
2. R. Kelly
R. Kelly has confirmed that the “Trapped in the Closet” series is back. The first couple of chapters were great in 2007.
But “The Pied Piper” gets a taste of his own medicine and is pissed on for not knowing when to give it a break already.
1. Follow Us!
Did you like what you saw in this week’s “Piss On?” Did we miss someone? Let us know on Twitter @31Percent
Otherwise you get pissed on for keeping your opinion to yourself.
2 comments:
The $3 tip was hilarious!
^^^ yeah it was. Like damn you should just leave nothing at all at that point.
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