Grandmother's can be freaks!

So let me start this off my saying that my grandmother is a freak…. I think.

You can help me decide.


My family was able to afford cable when I was fairly young. My uncle, being the fine, upstanding police officer that he is, was able to procure a few illegal cable boxes for us. One of the boxes was in my grandparents' room. One day, I had a Jed Clampett, and made an amazing discovery: the Spice Channel. When I saw the oil, I mean Double D Dawn's boobs, I knew immediately that I hit the mother load.

The only obstacle was my grandmother, I mean Perry Mason. She kept coming to her bedroom. How dare she. After a few encounters, she called me downstairs. Maybe it was the turning of the channel whenever she came into the room that gave it away.

In the end, I was summoned to the living room. Perry Mason asked what I would like for dinner. I answered and turned to head back up stairs when Perry said calmly, "I was 12 once. Turn the porn off please!"

As an adult, when I think of sex, I think of Michael Jackson. Yes, Michael Jackson. I have no legitimate reason for doing so either.


It seems that Mark Ronson thinks of Michael when he thinks of sex or porn as well.



Mark Ronson, the British Producer who brought us the tracks for Amy Winehouse was recently on "The Sunday Night Project" in Britain where he shared a porn moment that he had with Michael Jackson.

"It's a weird story, but I didn't touch him. We (Ronson and Lennon) used to watch the porn channel because we were, like, 10 and, 'Oh my God, [boobs]!' So Michael was in bed. And me and Sean said, 'Michael, do you want to see something cool?' We turned the dial to the porn channel and there were strippers shaking their [boobs] around. We were like, 'Michael, Michael, how cool is this?' We turned around and he was cringing, saying, 'Ooh, stop it, stop it, ooh, it's so silly.' We were like, 'Michael, you have to look, maybe you're not seeing it right, it's naked girls!' He was not down with the program whatsoever! I think he had really strong feminist views on porn."

I guess Michael only liked looking at the "Man in the Mirror!"

I can be so lame at times!


Side note: Why do all grandmoms say, "Let's see what grandmom has in her bag?"

Additionally, why do all grandmoms proceed to pull from their bag, whatever your heart desires: a bee-bee gun, flat head screw driver, weapons of mass destruction, 1040 tax forms, mints, band-aids, and even a Whopper with cheese and no tomatoes.