CAUTION: My articles are generalized and not meant for any particular or specific situations. Taking my well thought out opinions personal may cause anger, sadness, loss of sleep, or bitterness.
Results may vary!
There are a few references to my “talking” post, so if you haven’t seen it or just need a reminder, I suggest you take a look before reading this, Please and Thank you!!: http://31percent.blogspot.com/2010/11/dating-we-are-jus-talkin.html
I've always had a weird feeling about the "titles" aspect of a relationship but I never have been able to pinpoint why. I’ve just known that I didn't like them. Recently, though, I finally figured out why.
I've never understood why people feel that adding a title to a relationship will change or intensify feelings. I feel as though people incorporate titles so they have a sense of control. There have been many times when I’ve heard a girl say "I would (insert sexual action here) with you if I didn't have a boyfriend. I always think, "So you want to, but your “boyfriend” is what is stopping you? If he didn’t have that title, would do it." The fact that you have feelings for your significant other is what should stop you from having any desire to do anything with someone else. Although I haven't been in an official relationship (by official I mean one with titles) I have been in "exclusive" situations with people and it works just as well, if not better, than a relationship with titles. I would say we were in Phase 3 of my “talkin” break down.
For that reason, I generally tell people that if they have the desire to mess around with someone, they should, and not because I encourage cheating but I DO discourage bullshit. So, if you want to be involved with someone else while you're in a relationship, your relationship must not be that satisfying and maybe you should continue to be single or just stay in Phase 2. Now, I know some of you are wondering, "So what do you expect us to do? Just sleep with people?" My answer is no, silly. What I want is that you all allow natural feelings to evolve; not feelings that are forced and tainted by these restrictions, leashes, that we call "titles." Just let feelings grow and IF and WHEN you feel that he/she is all you need and want that should be enough for the both of you, with a title or without one, your relationship won't change.
There's also those situations where the feelings may not be mutual - when you're only involved with that one person but he/she is still sleeping with other people. MOST people try and add titles to situations like this in order to resolve that issue. However, if one person is clearly not ready to commit and stop messing with other people, a title will make you feel better about the situation but, in reality, he/she will be doing the same thing as before.
Now think about the last time you asked someone, "Will you be my girlfriend/boyfriend?" At a certain age that may have been cute but after about 12 years old, you should stop that shit.
Yours truly,
Cornbread
P.S. Don’t forget to follow on twitter (@FredE_Cornbread and @31Percent)
8 comments:
totally agreeeee! putting a title on things just makes it more complicated.
Look I'm not sayin that adding a title make things better in an already fuck up situation but talkin to someone an gettin to kno them then saying thats my girlfriend/boyfriend is nothing wrong with dat. for me havin a boyfriend is a sense of security that I can b as freaked out wit u den anyone else cuz ur mine ur special to me I can suck ur dick to wake u up if I want to, but if I juss did it to anyone that I'm talkin to it wouldn't b as special or exculsive now depending on how many boyfriends u have it might b used as an excuse to b a ho like "well he was my boyfriend an so was his brother his two cousins an his dad" but if someone is ur girlfriend that title comes with a lot of terriorty some that u r exclusive with is the same thing as a title u juss coving it up to make it seem like u can stilll b avaiable wen u want my fav saying "but we don't go together" but wen u really like someone an u wanna say there goes my baby then that's ur boyfriend/girlfriend not no damn friend wit bennies or friend I'm exculsive with that's jus how I feel.....an ppl who don't like cuffin is probably ppl that has gotten hurt wen they put in their all, but everyone has it even the person that fucked u over. does that mean that the girl or boy that's perfect for u gotta b subjected to as being called a friend by u while someone else sees how great she is an makes her/his their boyfriend/girlfriend while u all upset now cuz she was everything u wanted but u was afarid to cuff smh cuz that's wats it gonna end up as. An if u r exculsive with a person without the title wats the diff. title or no title its just a title not a death wish...either way wen u feel as though its over u still gotta tell the person its not workinout an feelings r still in it. u only make life as compilcated as u want it if ur relationships r compilcated u need to look back at wat u doin to make it that way. don't like the person as much as u did u still gotta go through a break up process smh
yeah i dont understand why men look at titles in a negative light. Who wants to be just "talking" to someone for years? In my opinion, if your in phase 3 of "talking" then your in a relationship.
well in response to the obvious comment. lol sounds to be you use titles as a way of security which i think is not need because just because a dude is your boyfriend doesn't mean you can trust him, and i think everyone is aware of that. Now the suck his dick part. if the title is the only thing making you suck his dick, than you shouldn't be sucking dick, because that means its forced. you're feelings for him should be whats pushing your desires, not the title. and same with the security, if the only time you felt secure with him is when you made it "official" maybe you shouldn't be together. Because a title will not make it anymore or less secure. and yes the person will have the wrote to say "they aren't my girl/boyfriend so i can fuck whomever i want" but if they have genuine feelings for you they wont do that. you said it yourself "title or no title its just a title" so adding that title wont change his or her feelings, so if they didn't like u without it, they wont like you with it. plain...and kinda simple. follow me on twitter @FredE_Cornbread
Point blank period their is nothing wrong wit a title it allows ppl to put their feelings out on the table without feeling like their in the wrong because their only "talkin" to someone.but now cuffin is seen like a curse an if a boy does it an only boys cuz they the only ones makin this big deal about it then they get picked on or bitches thrown in their face by their friends. If that's the person that u feel is going to make u better take u to that point of highest elvation an is different from the rest u better cuff dat girl cuz that person gonna end up wit someone else that didn't have a problem with cuffin her its just being afarid of commitment stop bitchin cuz u gonna miss out real shit for me in example someone has to tell me their intrested for me to kno dat they like me I can't go by little shit an if u r serious about me an it feels right y not I could b the next person u marry but I won't consider it if we been talkin for 7 years ill look at u as a friend an nothin more if u cant. Give me the respect or love to call me ur girl den wat else do u want for me I wanna get married one day to someone who wants to be wit me an only me but if I'm juss talkin to someone for 3 years dats shit is corney an I won't allow myseld to open up to that person cuz imma feel stupid cuz he has no ties to me he juss another person I'm talkin to
lol ok, so you'd rather be called someones girlfriend and be treated like shit instead of not having a title and being treated like a queen? the title is that important?
in short, i feel like cornbread is simply trying to tell us all that that if you have a title but arent on the same page as your man or woman then its all for not. actions really speaking louder than words.
but if the person is treating me like shit y would i ever consider having a serious relationship with a person relationships take time to build im not entering a relationship with juss anyone i just met im entering it knowing this persons likes and dislikes an they kno mines....im entering into it with a person that I kno wants it just as much as I do now if u enter a realtionship with no clue of who this person is then u have the concept of a title mixed up
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