CAUTION: My articles are generalized and not meant for any particular or specific situations. Taking my well thought out opinions personally may cause anger, sadness, loss of sleep, or bitterness.
WARNING: This article mentions situations that are specific to my life and the lives of others. If you feel as if you are included 
I apologize in advance for any offense you may take.
Results may vary!
People speak of commitment issues pretty often. Especially in reference to males. I must admit that I have been accused of being afraid to commit and of being “picky” due to my lack of motivation to start a relationship. I’ll also admit that some people might actually have commitment issues but I’m here to speak on the behalf of those who don’t have problems with commitment. Instead we have a problem with settling and high standards.
Having standards is completely understandable and it’s expected. They are used as a guideline to find a compatible mate.
Many people confuse having standards with being picky when actually there is a huge difference between the two. Being picky involves having realistic and unlikely expectations; asking and expecting something that you yourself cannot even offer. But, the confusion about what makes a person picky leads people to settle for someone who isn’t what they really want because they don’t want to seem as if they are being picky; this results in an unhealthy and unsatisfying relationship. Recently, I found myself in a situation where I considered settling because I felt as though I was asking for too much. I’d been inconsistently involved with a young woman for about a year and a half. I decided maybe it was time for me to make it official and try to be exclusive. A problem soon occurred: I started to remember the negative things about her that kept me from moving forward with her. At first I thought it was cold feet since it had been a while since I have been exclusive with someone. The possibility of being afraid of commitment ran through my mind. Eventually I came to the conclusion that what was holding me back was my inability to settle. What I was doing with this girl was using my brain more than my heart. I thought because she had beauty, intelligence, a sense of humor, an attraction to me and could interact well with my family that I had hit the jackpot. I soon realized that those traits are what I should look for in EVERY female I meet. I also tried to look past her flaws because she was always willing to look past mine. I had to be honest with myself and acknowledge that I couldn’t bring myself to do that. I was not willing to lower my standards. I was attempting to create something that didn’t exist.People may say I am picky for not making things serious with this young woman, but I feel as though the cons out weighed the pros. Settling is something I highly oppose in situations like this one. In today’s world the majority of people feel the need to jump into relationship and settle for what they can get without being aware of what they are worth. By doing this, their standards “bar” is lowered, while mine stays the same, resulting in my standards seeming high. For the people who have lowered their standards to something not suitable for them, I suggest you raise them. For those comfortable with their standards but still waiting for the “right one” to come along, just continue to live life and realize that he or she will come along soon enough.I asked the other members of 31 percent when an appropriate time to make things official, be exclusive and actually settle down. The Contrarian told me it’s like buying a pair of sneakers (keep in my mind I am not a “sneaker head” by any means). He explained that if I were to see a pair of sneakers that I thought I needed in my life, I’d put them on the counter, purchase them no matter what the price, and walk out the store a happy man without a doubt in my mind. He went on to explain that you can always return a pair of sneakers without much fuss. However, after making a commitment to a mate, you can’t just return their love and you can’t put a price on the heart ache that come from a breakup.
Yours truly,
Cornbread
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11 comments:
I think that was well put. However, I don't think all girl automatically assume that the guy has commitment issues. I think the problem is that guys are afraid to be honest, and on the other foot, girls are too sensitive to take the truth. In reality, the biggest reason a guy does not want to make it "official" with a girl is because he doesn't see in her what he wants in a girlfriend. Yeah she's cute, funny, and, don't forget, giving it up. I wish guys guys would just be honest and tell girls, "well though I like you, I ainnt tryna wife you." And girls need to "man up" and accept that reality. Ya dig.
I think this is my favorite so far because I can definitely relate. Guys get upset when they're turned down, might call me a bxtch or something but I'm not going to preetend like I want a relationship with you if I immediately know that you don't meet my standards. Just like shoes as you said.. if I know I don't like them then I'm not even going to waste my time trying them on..
Thanks for the support, but i wasn't just referring to males during that part, i just said its more common to think males when it you hear commitment issues, but thats human nature to be afraid to commit. and i agree with you for the most part, but i don't think its so much divided on gender as you're making it seem. Males also don't like hearing the truth and some girls don't know how to break the news to guys because they fear he will be too sensitive, but you are right, people should be more honest and understanding.
Young man, this one spoke to me man. Felt like I basically could of wrote it myself lol
too many people lower their standards for too many different reasons.
sometimes, they've already built that emotional attachment to a person and then they realize from a rational standpoint, the person they feel for, isn't all their cracked up to be. whether it be they're lacking in the common sense department, courteous department, and whatever other reason you start to have second thoughts.
people need to know that its okay to let go of somebody if their significant other is not right for them. it works out better in the long run.
nice article cree. i agree. i have personal experience in the area as well, unfortunately
Nice post, I like the sneaker analogy
Thanks Everyone once again, make sure to keep up with the latest post and look around because there is much to offer on the blog. i'm sure you will find something that fits your interest.
@Malchemist-i liked it too, wish i could take credit for it. lol
I knew when I was reading this you were gonna try and include an analogy somewhere along the line. but I agree with this whole post for the most part. The things that I disagree with are subject to change when it comes to down to each individual situation. well done.
I can whole-heartedly relate to this post. constantly going back and forth on weather or not you're settling. If you should keep trying or not. But I've come to realize that its not necessarily settling if the person is important to you COMPROMISE is what you have to accomplish. because no one in this world is perfect. The difficult part is deciding if the person is worth compromising some of your preferences/standards/requirements
& some people tend to prioritize physical preferences over character and personality
@Amber- Thanks
@Neo_Sole3000-i agree, but that is a part of having standards. When you have standards you have your exceptions, which are things you can look over. on the other hand you have things that you are not willing to be flexible about.
So her feelings for you were unconditional, but your feelings for her were conditional? Correct?
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