Sunday, May 15, 2011

Piss On Week 5.16.11

Warning!! No one in the following post is actually being pissed on. It is simply an expression meant to describe how outrageous and unforgivable the actions of the following people really are. Anyone who finds this segment offensive automatically gives me the right and the duty to piss on them as well.


Professional Rationalist

10. Blogger

I know you guys were disappointed that there was no ‘Piss On’ last week, but I promise you it wasn’t my fault. I tried to post it numerous times but Blogger was not having it.

Technical difficulties on the part of Blogger leaves me with no choice but to give them the business for making me hold my piss for an entire week.

9. Jim Moats

The job of a Church pastor is to spread the good news. What if the pastor’s good news is made up of complete lies? That is what happened when pastor Jim Moats claims that he was in the Navy Seals for five years.

He gets pissed on for telling people he was in the Navy Seals when the closest thing he ever got to the military was saying a prayer for the troops.

8. Four Square

Everyone loves the phone application known as Four Square. You can let your friends know what bar you’re in or what club you’re at taking shots with friends. It is the greatest thing since sliced bread. Just one problem…It’s been invented already!! Remember this..

Four Square gets pissed on for swagger jacking Boost Mobile.

7. Los Angeles Lakers

I’m sorry, but did I really watch the Lakers get swept out of the playoffs? Did Andrew Bynum really get kicked out the game and walk off the court shirtless like he was Dennis Rodman? Did I really see Lamar Odom play basketball like he was going up against Khloe Kardashian?

More importantly the Lakers get “wet up “for getting blown out by 36 buckets in what will most likely be Phil Jackson’s last game coaching.

6. Alicia Silverstone

Actress Alicia Silverstone just had her first kid on Mother’s Day and decided to name the little rug rat Bear Blu. I get it he’s never going to have to work a day in his life so he doesn’t need a real name, but he is going to have to go through grade school. And you better believe that he is going to get his ass kicked quite a few times with a name like Bear Blu.

The star of the 90’s flick “Clueless” gets pissed on for being just that when it came to naming her first born.

5. Mosley vs. Pacquiao

I didn't think that this was going to be one of the most historic boxing bouts in history, but I at least thought it was going to be a fight. These two alleged boxers threw as many punches as a fight between two guys with no arms.

They get pissed on for making a championship fight look like Dancing with the Stars.

4. Early Bird Sales

I know, the early bird catches the worm. But department stores really irk my soul when they have those Early Bird sales on Saturday mornings. Don’t they know that I was out until 4AM the night before and there is no chance in hell I’ll make it out of bed by 8AM to catch the deals?

All the department stores get pissed on for not giving me a Hangover Sale that runs from noon to 4PM.

3. Oprah

In case you haven’t noticed, Oprah’s countdown to her final show is fast approaching. Sure, the only episodes I’ve ever watched were the ones with Jay-Z and the one with Dave Chappelle, but there is a true need for Oprah in my life. You see fellas, for one hour Monday through Friday the women in our life want nothing to do with us. They want to be left alone because Oprah’s on. Once she goes away for good they are going to have an extra hour per day to do nothing but nag!

Therefore Oprah has to get pissed on for being so selfish and calling it quits.

2.Old Drug Dealers

The funniest thing in the world to me is to see guys selling weed well into their fifties. No matter how bad my day is going, to see a man with grey in his beard say, “I got that weed out” will always have me doubled over with laughter.

Despite being hilarious, it’s downright piss-worthy for a grown man to still play children’s games. GET A JOB OLDHEAD!

1. Nosey Neighbors

You ever notice how whenever you are going in the house or leaving to go out your neighbors just magically appear in the window. You can always see their curtains moving slightly as you pull into a parking spot.

Well it’s about time I piss on the nosey neighbors for not minding their damn business. P.S. If you’re going to be all in my business at least help me pull the trash cans around to the front of the building on trash day.

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